How To Become A Self-Confident Person in 2025.

So, self-confidence is a tricky one, and from what I’ve observed, most people clearly lack this skill.

The thing is, if you’re not confident, you’re likely to engage in self-destructive behaviours or avoid taking the actions you truly want, which leads to regret.

When I was younger, I didn’t have much self-confidence. I felt the need to follow others, do what they did, and have the same things they had— in an attempt to get some sense of confidence.

It’s something I’ve been working on for years now, and it’s something you can work on too. Confidence isn’t this magical, unattainable thing.

In fact, here are the five main components of self-confidence that helped me build mine, and I hope they’ll help you build yours.

Stop Caring What Other People Think

If there’s one thing that is destructive and preventing you from developing self-esteem and confidence, it’s living in a permanent state of social comparison.

The online world is a battlefield for attention, approval, and perfection. The problem is that, as a human being, your life can’t possibly look like that 24/7.

Social media, dating apps, and online personas put you in a situation where you feel like you’re not enough—like you always need to stretch yourself, to be, do, and want more.

Self-development is important, and that doesn’t mean you should stop working on yourself.

That being said, the expectations you create as a result of being exposed to this “perfect” world are unrealistic and probably even - detrimental to your journey.

Last winter, I remember sitting at my desk, trying to work on my writing. It was cold and dark outside, and the only light was the screen of my laptop illuminating my face.

That’s when I started writing these blogs and creating these videos. I was trying so hard to put my thoughts on paper.

But focusing on writing was really hard, and when I couldn’t focus on the task in front of me, I’d take my phone out of my pocket and open it.

At the time, I was really into productivity and self-improvement, so opening my phone and going on YouTube was a nightmare.

I’d lose myself in shorts for 30 minutes, looking at productivity hacks, while struggling to focus on the screen for more than five minutes without being distracted.

All this exposure led me to feel like I could never make any progress because I kept comparing myself to those who seemed able to focus and work for hours on end without losing concentration.

My brain was telling "look at everyone else but you, all those people who seem to have their lives under control and can focus for five or more hours straight without using social media."

Your brain is quick to switch into comparison mode when you start feeling inferior. Suddenly, everyone else seems better than you at what you’re trying to do.

Except you don’t know the whole truth. When people talk, especially on social media, they rarely give the full picture. They don’t tell you they feel the same way you do because that would expose them as weak and incapable of focusing.

Paradoxically, this cultivates a harmful cycle: people only post the beautiful and hide the ugly, while most of what you experience is the ugly. This makes you feel out of place.

This social comparison is the biggest generator of self-doubt. This tendency to compare yourself to everyone around you in whatever endeavour is the reason why you feel inadequate in the first place.

And the first thing I've realized is that I needed to escape the social game, it gave me too much anxiety and I needed to do things for myself instead of always trying to buy reputation, likes or admiration points.

Self-comparison is the killer of self-confidence, and the people that are most confident are the people that don't inhabit this world of judgement.

Stop Breaking Promises To Yourself

I've come to find that the reason why you don’t feel self-confident is because you keep breaking promises to yourself. You tell yourself that tomorrow you’ll start doing this or stop doing that.

But when tomorrow comes, and it’s time to follow through, there’s too much resistance, and you end up not doing it.

Most people don’t think it’s a big deal. They tell themselves that not doing the dishes today is fine and that they can always push it until tomorrow.

But your brain knows better. You can’t lie to your own brain. It remembers that you said you’d do it today.

Over time, your brain learns that even when you say you’ll do something, chances are you won’t—and that’s the problem.

Your brain won’t let you access the motivation, energy, or determination necessary because you’ve shown it time and time again that you don’t stick to your promises.

So what happens is that your brain doesn't bother anymore, your own brain doesn't trust you so it gradually stops investing resources like motivation and energy because it knows you don't end up doing the thing.

This scenario led me to feel like I had no confidence. A few years ago, I told myself I’d stop going out. But I didn't I told myself I’d start exercising. But I didn’t. And every tiny action I failed to follow through on became a broken promise to myself.

When your brain doesn’t believe in you, that’s when your self-confidence and self-esteem disappear.

It makes sense. Your brain wants to save energy, and the worst thing for it is to waste resources. So why would it invest in your actions when you’ve taught it that those actions don’t lead to progress or results, it doesn't make sense.

For me, I had to face the hard truth. I realized my lack of confidence came from tiny, seemingly insignificant lies—promises I made to myself but didn’t keep over and over again.

Now, for some people, the confidence link was never there to begin with. For others, it existed but has disappeared over time.

In both cases, to rebuild that link, you need to rebuild the trust your brain has in you. And for that, you need to do the opposite of breaking promises.

It’s a two-step process. First and foremost, stop breaking promises. Stop telling yourself you’ll do something if you know you won’t.

Then, make tiny, manageable promises and hold yourself accountable to them. Start with the most mundane tasks, like chores or simple lists. Tell yourself you’ll do the dishes today—and then do it. Tell yourself you won’t buy a Starbucks coffee on your way to work—and stick to that.

The improvement in your perception of confidence will be slim, gradual, and progressive, but that’s truly how you get your confidence back. It has to be gradual because that’s the only way to make this sustainable.

Reframe Your Failures As Learning Opportunities

A few years back I was scared to fail at school, I was terrified of not doing my job well, and I was haunted by the idea of a failed relationship.

I was always so close to failure, as if it was always right next to me, always present. The thing is that, when something is very important to you, you focus heavily on it.

It becomes your whole world, whether it’s positive or negative and unfortunately failure is one of those things.

And I used to dramatize a lot, because when something is really important to you and you fail at it, then it feels like this giant wreck.

I used to feel like failure was a sentence, a punishment, a rejection.

Whereas now, if I fail at something, it means that I don’t have enough information. Failure has become external to me. It’s not something that directs the rest of my life or endangers my persona.

I’ve come to realize that most of the time in your life, it’s not even a real loss—it’s just a “no.” It’s not something impossible or a true failure, it's just a temporary rejection.

The majority of people think that just because they did not get the job, the promotion, or the date, it’s a definitive answer, and they will never experience the win.

But very few “no’s” in life are definitive, and in most instances, you can still try even after you’ve faced initial rejection.

Rejection is the real enemy. Think about it: the reason why failing feels so heartbreaking is because you give power to the “no” that's directed at you.

And sometimes it’s true. Sometimes a “no” means that your character isn’t the right fit for the job.

But in my life, I realized that I would impose the "no" on myself without ever getting a definitive answer.

I’d never go all the way; I would stop before exposing myself to potential rejection.

So the first step is to be willing to fail, and I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say that before. If you want to discover yourself, what you’re capable of, and what you want in your life.

You have to deliberately expose yourself to failure and learn how to handle the feeling of rejection without growing resentment.

I’ve met very few people in my life who had the courage to really try things even if it meant failing.

But if you do that—if you accept the fact that in whatever endeavor you might fail, and it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or useless—then you hit the jackpot.

Because then you reframe failure as a tool. Instead of being this heavy and dangerous feeling of self-destruction, it becomes a tool for learning.

And I personally think that being willing to expose myself to failure without attaching myself to the outcome is one of the most important lessons I’ve learned when it comes to self-confidence.

I mean, how confident would you be if you were able to try all the things you said you’d try, fail, and be okay with it?

You would be completely fine with the fact that you’re garbage at the piano because it’s your first time, or that you struggle with your people skills when it’s the first time in two years that you talk to strangers because of a pandemic.

Failure is only destructive if you believe that’s its nature. But if you consider it a must, a necessity in the learning process then it becomes your ally instead of your enemy.

Fix Your Own Relationship

Most people with low self-confidence are constantly trying to fix their relationships.

Some even spend their lives jumping from one relationship to another, failing to realize that the first relationship they need to take care of is the one they have with themselves.

I’d argue that you can’t experience profound and fulfilling relationships unless you start by fixing the relationship you hold with yourself.

All relationships are made possible through communication, and this includes the relationship you have with yourself.

When I realized that the most important thing was the communication I had with myself, it felt like I unlocked some secret control over my self-esteem.

You probably don’t realize it, but you spend the majority of your day talking to yourself in your own head. The way you do it—the tone, words, and speech you use, all of that shapes your perception of yourself and the world.

Another way to put it is this: the voice in your head directs most of your life and daily decisions, so you’d better befriend it. Otherwise, it’s going to backfire.

That voice needs to be friendly. This idea isn’t new—it’s been around for a long time. Self-acceptance is a crucial virtue, but it’s not something I’ve heard much about in the self-help community.

Self-acceptance often gets left aside because it’s perceived as not “alpha” enough. But I believe you cannot become truly confident without cultivating a positive and friendly voice in your mind.

Some people manage to lie to the outside world and fake the confidence  they but can’t lie to themselves. Even if they seem to have it all under control, they don’t, because they’re not congruent with themselves.

Your mind has a tremendous impact on your life. It’s probably the most important factor in determining longevity, happiness, and confidence.

In fact, in most of the popular self-help books I’ve read, one lesson stands out: you need to learn how to forge your mind to create the reality you’re looking for.

Fixing your own inner relationship is where it all starts. If you feel unconfident talking to people, lack the self-esteem to ask for a date, or don’t feel confident enough to ask for a raise, all those things stem from a lack.

A lack of belief that you can do those things. You’re torn between your mind wanting those things in the back of your head and the voice in your mind telling you that you can’t.

That was the case for me, and I needed to change that. Navigating the world is hard enough—you don’t need your brain doubting your potential every step of the way.

The first step toward change is to accept your current situation. Accept that you’re doubting yourself, accept that you don’t have the things you want, and start to be okay with that.

Accept your thoughts, don’t judge yourself—it won’t do any good. Begin by accepting the cards you’ve been dealt and the situation you’re in. Everything happens for a reason, and for now, you’re here. Nothing can change that.

Start listening to yourself, the words you use, the tonality of your sentences—and begin fixing your inner speech.

Take Your Life Into Your Own Hands

Like it or not, you are where you are right now because of all the decisions you’ve made. If you’re an adult, there’s only one person who has decided the current course of your life—and that’s you.

Confidence is intimately linked to responsibility and I don't think that you can develop it without.

If your life sucks, it’s because you behaved in a way that shaped it that way. Life is not against you

Forces in the universe don’t care about you, and the only real reason you find yourself in this situation is because, on some level, you’ve accepted it as your reality.

This is the hardest part of self-esteem: self-responsibility. Most people don’t go that far because they don’t want to be entirely responsible for their lives.

This means accepting that the failures, rejections, and mistakes they’ve encountered were their own doing—not the world’s.

I used to blame the world for the state of my life. The reason I didn’t have what I wanted, the reason I felt bad, could only be explained by the stars not aligning my way.

This is a dangerous game to play because not taking responsibility robs you of the only key there is to becoming self-confident: control over your life.

Human beings need to feel like they have agency—like their decisions, choices, and actions matter and make a difference in the world.

But for that to be possible, you also need to accept that the consequences and repercussions of your actions are your responsibility. And that’s a harder pill to swallow.

For instance, the reason I didn’t have a good-looking physique was because I wasn’t exercising and was eating the wrong stuff. That’s my fault. No one ever told me I should skip meals, eat processed foods, and not go to the gym.

I was the one who decided to do those things. Over time, it became my routine. But still, in order to change that, I had to accept and take responsibility to start the change.

Your mind won’t like that. It won’t let you accept those things easily because it’s trying to protect you from the negative emotions that will arise as a result of accepting responsibility.

Again, there’s no way around it. You’ll feel worse before you feel better, and I think that’s the game you need to play if you want to build self-esteem. It’s worth the risk.

For me, this whole cascade of change started when I took care of my physical health. It’s very hard to change the mind with the mind.

Don’t get me wrong. Everything I’ve said still applies, and those are, in my opinion, the 5 pillars of building self-confidence.

That said, if you’re in a similar situation to where I was, I think the best thing you can do is to work on your physique and adopt the habit of going to the gym.

For those who want to take that route, check out Fitness Autonomy because it covers everything I’ve learned about how to do exactly that.

For those who don’t want to start with going to the gym, any type of physical exercise will work. The secret is becoming friends with your mind to make it a normal part of your life.

In any case, I hope this helps. Trust the process.